MOPs

MOPs

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Marriage - February 2011 Meeting

I know, I know - every month I tell you that if you weren't at the last MOPs/MOMs meeting you missed something great; well this month is no different!  You once again missed an amazing meeting; but I will fill you in on some great take away points.

First off we were blessed to have Brian Jones the Senior Pastor from Christ Church of the Valley -Royersford, PA and his wife Lisa with us as our guest speakers.  The topic was marriage.  A great topic and 2 great speakers.  Brian and Lisa have been married forever and we considered them to be "experts" on making a marriage work and keeping the spark alive.

There are 4 things that are critical to a successful marriage and they really should be ironed out/agreed upon/discussed within the first 2 years of marriage:
1. Communication - you must fight fair, no below the belt hitting.  Wives don't tell your husbands that his golf game sucks in the middle of a fight, and husbands don't tell your wives that you really don't like her pot roast!  Stick to being a fair fighter; stay on the topic; don't drift to things that aren't relevant to the fight.
2. Money - you must have an agreement on your finances.  You can't have one person who likes to spend like there is no tomorrow and another who is as tight as Scrooge.  You have to meet in the middle and come up with an arrangement that you both can live with.
3. Household Responsibilities - you have to decide who is going to be responsible for what in the household, and it has to be a mutual agreement.  In this area also be flexible; be willing to do something that typically isn't on your "list" if need be.  It doesn't matter who does most of the household work - because as life stages change & shift; the responsibilities will also shift; the important part is that you have an honest discussion and decide together what works for you in your marriage.
4. Sex - you must have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship.  Intimacy is very important in marriage and it is important that you and your spouse are on the same page.  You have to be able to sit down together and discuss what satisfies you and what doesn't.

Here are a few tips to keep your marriage alive and full of spark; these are on-going things that you should continue throughout your marriage:
1. Date Night - if you can do it weekly; that is great; but for many monthly is the only option right now & that is good too.  The main point is to have time to reconnect with your spouse without your children present.  Take a minute to enjoy each others' company.
2. Family Vacations - take great family vacations and don't feel guilty about them.  Vacations as a family are also a time to reconnect, not just with your spouse but with your children as well.  Leave the blackberry, don't check facebook, no tweeting, not even any blogging; just enjoy the time with your family; those moments are precious.
3. Touch - it has been scientifically proven that every human needs at least 25 touches a day; so take time to hug your spouse or give them a kiss.
4. United - always have a united front with your spouse when it comes to your children.  Don't disagree with a decision your spouse has made regarding your children in front of those children.  If you don't agree - make sure you find time to sit down and discuss it; just wait until the kids are out of ear shot!
5. Traditions - create family traditions, have dinner together every night (or as many nights as possible). Pick up the Christmas tree together, make homemade hot chocolate on the 1st snowfall of the year, do something that is going to keep the family connected and together.
6. Privacy - protect your privacy and your spouse's privacy.  There are certain things that should never be shared outside of your marriage.  Also don't bad mouth your spouse to your friends, family, or facebook!

If you want to hear more from Brian come check out one of the 3 services (9, 10:15 & 11:30) on a Sunday morning at CCV !  You can also visit Brian's website and subscribe to receive email updates.

I hope you find some use for these tips.  We really enjoyed having Brian & Lisa there with us sharing their insight and wisdom.  We hope to see you in March when we will be looking at child rearing!!

On Behalf of the CCV MOPs/MOMs Steering Team;
Danielle Verwey